Old writing

I've been just re-reading the literary stuff I've been writing for the last several years. I've started a couple of novels and several short stories. The stuff just doesn't look as what I would write now, even what I wrote last year. I suppose it means I don't have a clear style yet, or maybe that I just start random things without thinking much about it. I am afraid my life is a bit like this also, and I am entering a period in life when I am seriouly thinking about where I am going, or at least making the effort to think about it. But I don't really arrive at any conclusions. The most clear effect, though, is that I don't dare to start anything big. I don't dare to sit down and start writing my PhD project, because I'm not quite sure about the PhD I'm taking. I don't dare to start as a freelance web designer, because maybe that's not for me. Maybe now, but not in ten years time. And the same with any other ideas that ramble down my mind. Maybe this is what thinking about one's life is. (this is the natural end of this post, but I'll keep writing something else, trying to get my unconscious part out. you're free to stop reading here, furthremore, I strongly recommend it)
So you kept reading, and I kept writing. See? I am even lazy to make something good out of this post. Maybe something big is not for me. Maybe I am too old and too afraid of life to start thinking it all over again. Maybe I am ok like this, and I resist to accept it. I don't know. I told you it was not worth to keep reading.