lunes, 31 de mayo de 2004

Just a note

(May is almost over... and so is the month of my 26th birthday... happy birthday to me, and to all of those who want one!)

The Catcher in the Rye

That's one of the first novels that really got me sticked to it until I finished it. I've read it three times, never the English version, though (I've seen it a couple of times at this bookstore I go once or twice every week, so I guess it won't be long until I get it in English) I read it first when I was 15, and for a couple of years you could endlessly find in my short stories the "I mean" that Holden Caulfield repeats every now and then in The Catcher... Anyway, I was looking for the begining of the novel on the internet, so you could share it with me, but I ended up finding this other quote that I found somewhat interesting:
"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be." ~ Chapter 22, spoken by the character Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye.


Ever since I told my friend that novels are just not the right format for our age, I've been thinking of starting one myself. I guess that's a typical human behaviour: search your strenght in the weakness of others.
Anyway, I am happy to say that I will definitely meet my friend this week, so he can interview me to get some ideas for a character of his novel. I hope I make up for my rude behaviour of our last meeting.
On the other side of the river, I am also happy to say that after a weekend of quite a lot of pessimism, my soul seems to have found the way out of self-imposed darkness. Like I read yesterday on this book that my sister gave me for my birthday (The Cold Skin by catalan writer Albert S´nchez Piñol, English translation not yet available, although it says so in the book cover) "there are the men who choose to live, and there are the men who choose to die". The book starts like this: (free English version brought to you by The Fruitman Translation Services & Co.)
"We are never infinitely far from those we hate. Therefore, for the same reason we could say that we will never be absolutely close to those we love. When I sailed to that island, I already knew that cruel truth. But there are truths that deserve our attention, and there are others that we choose to ignore."
I think that's an amazing start for a book.

sábado, 29 de mayo de 2004


I think I have been quite philosphical on my last couple of posts. I'm definitely drunk. Don't know what I will think tomorrow about what I wrote, but I certainly know that at last I did something today. I got drunk, and I wrote. I just need my girl besides me to make it complete.

The Choche Foundation

Choche might get a grant to continue with his PhD studies. I am seriously thinking of starting "The Choche Foundation" if he doesn't get that grant.
Choche is a self-made man. I mean he just made his way through knowledge his way. At least that's what I think, I might be wrong.

For the last two years or so, as I have met diverse people from diverse parts of the world, most of them extremely bright, I have come to realise that my knowledge has no value. That for many years I have just made up my supposed intellectuality. My parents are both professors, and so I have always heard names of writers/musicians/painters etc. at home. Many times the writers I heard them mention would be having dinner with us. Inevitably, I developped the art of being able to spread intellectualityness through my conversations with friends. I would be having a chat at a bar with some friends, and I would mention this one or this other writer, and a couple of their books, and how I met them the other day, or how this jazz piano player is so great. That gained me a reputation. But what's the value of what I know, if I really know anything? I don't know.

But I'm changing, I think. I'm finding things I like that I was never invited to like. I'm constructing a fruitman of my own. I hope my sister does so as well. I hope I am able to guide my future kids through what I find valuable in this world, only to let them find by theirselves what they judge valuable in this world. Freedom will not be implicit at my place. It will be explicit. Freedom should be explicit. Should be stated and defined and practised. "Implicit" is too intellectual to be of any real value.


I love Oscar Wilde. He's my favourite writer, although I have only read one book by him, The Portrait of Dorian Gray, and some short stories. And the transcripts of his trials, absolutely amazing. He really drives the judge crazy.

The other day, I was maybe quite harsh with a friend who is writing a novel. Actually, I was not harsh to my friend, but I harshly (can't find an alternative adjective, sorry)expressed my disrespect for novels. I said novels are just useless when you can transmit the same ideas/images/feelings in a shorter time with a film or with a short story. That novels are just great for editors, because they make a book they can sell. Plus, their structure is constraining and fake. I don't know. Maybe I was just exposing my frustration when it comes to writing I novel. I simply can't. I even got to the point where I cannot even write a short story or a script for a short movie (btw, I finally didn't finish the script, so bye bye trip to New York :( ) I can only write for this blog.

Well, all these was to end up saying that the reason I like Oscar Wilde, and particularly his novel The Portrait of Dorian Gray, is because at every page you find an amazing thought. A sentence by OW can have you thinking about it for the whole day (once I told this to my dad, and he replied, quite rudely, "well, even 15 year olds read it and have no problems understanding it"... at that particular moment, I started thinking that maybe I am not like my dad, that maybe I shouldn't be like him, at all... the thought has only become truer with time) OW just turns your world upside down. This is what I call a genius.

These days, thanks to joaquin again (I won't link him again, not today!), I started reading queer blogs, and I'm liking it. Reading queer blogs is a good way to get into the queer world, maybe. But what I like is precisely that I didn't find a queer world. I just found intelligent people writing intelligent things. Of course, this doesn't mean all gay people are intelligent and write intelligently. But it had never ocurred to me that gay people can be just intelligent people writing intelligent things. Don't get me wrong: it's not that I thought they are stupid. It's simply that I never approached them the way blogs allow me to. I never read about what they do/think/like, the problems/advantages they might have, the way they see some stuff. So from now on, when I think of a gay guy, I will remember the image I got from these couple of blogs I'm reading, Ethno-queer and Queer(eco)logy. Believe me, it's much more edificating than all I learnt about gays from the society I live in.

Ok, to end this mind-rambling post (how much I love the "rambling on my mind" blues, i just find the title so great) I will say:
1) I started writing this post after I read this sentence at Queer(eco)logy: "heterosexuality is an acceptable alternative lifestyle".
2) The sentence reminded me of Oscar Wilde.
3) Oscar Wilde reminded me of his great novel The Portrait of Dorian Gray.
4) This in turn reminded me of my harsh words about novels.
5) Somehow, everything together suggested me a thought about my experience reading blogs written by gay people.
6) The post was so hectic that I wrote a list of six elements to guide you through my mind-rambling.

viernes, 28 de mayo de 2004


Here's another new concept: easybility. It will replace the stupid "usability" one.

Web artivism

I don't know whether that's a new concept. Once more, through joaquin, i ended up watching this clip (another video for today, i didn't do it on purpose, honest). Two guys made it to protest against I-Pod. It turns out that the battery of this mp3 player dies after 18 months, and the only thing you can do is buy a new i-pod, cause the batteries are irreplaceable (unreplaceable?). Well, after the video was launched on the web, it became quite popular, and Apple started offering i-pod batteries for 99$. And i say: maybe that's a victory of little david over a big corporation. The video is real fun, the whole thing is kinda cool. But would i be satisfied after making a video like that one? Do I really care about the rights of people who buy ipods? I don't know. I think today nothing can satisfy me. Sorry, I'm in a stupid mood.

Angry people

There's angry people in this world, my friends. Torj is just a kid when he tries to offend Rael and his followers (this is just to get Torj to leave a comment to this post... and maybe Rael will answer back) Anyway, as I was saying, there's angry people around, and sometimes they use the web to express their anger. This is what i found at the rants and raves section of craigslist, another curious corner of the web that i discovered thanks to my dearest friend joaquin:
"Fucking assholes. You people are bad people. You don't deserve to live on this planet with the normal people. You refuse to comprehend why you have it so good.
Get a clue or die. Fuck you, you fucking fuckwads.
Fucktards. Dickheads. Slimey bastards.
DIE!!! You've chased all the good ones out of town and now you can be the self-centered, egotistical jackasses that you really are. Are you pleased with yourselves? If you are, then you have the mentality of a fucking rock. Punk ass motherfuckers. DIE DIE DIE DIE."
Do people have too much time to waste? And as write that, i wonder whether i am wasting my time as well. my friends got girlfriends.

A man dressed like a chicken is a hopeless man

Well, it's seems that today is the day of linking videos. Sorry for those of you with crappy dial-up connections. I told the chicken "fly", "dance", "shit". What do you think the chicken did? Try it yourself.


My dear Joaquin founds this video about a stupid kitty to be extremely funny. It's 1.5MB, but some of you might find it extremely funny too. I think it's another manifestation of the cruel domination of men over animals. Their feeling of superiorness, their most absolute disrespect for any kind of animal form. I'm kidding, of course.


Well, if you thought you knew how to fold a t-shirt, take a look at this video.

It's 0:47

... and I am tired, and I miss too many people. The table at the dinning room is all messed up. In fact, the entire flat is messed up. I had some friends for dinner at home, and I didn't tidy up after they left. Tomorrow I won't be home alone anymore. I will have to tidy up, to clean up all the mess.
I had a good time with my friends. They told me some curious things about them, and looked more human to my eyes, maybe. Anyway, they left and I'm tired. I tried, tired, to go on with the script and write a couple of pages, but it was no use. All I did was to substitute "hombre" for H and "mujer" for M. Good night, pacient readers.

miércoles, 26 de mayo de 2004

Email writing

I just signed a petition to free the bulgarian doctors that have been condemned to death by Lybia. After signing it (by the way, it's very easy, a good example of nice, usable design), I got an email from the website that hosts it, apparently devoted to hosting online petitions. The email included a sample text that they encourage me to send to my network of friends. It's nice that they write it for you :)

"Dear Friends,

I have just read and signed the online petition:

"Take Action to Free the Bulgarian Medics in Libya"

hosted on the web by, the free online petition service, at:

I personally agree with what this petition says, and I think you might agree, too. If you can spare a moment, please take a look, and consider signing yourself.

Best wishes,


Here's also the message of the friend who told me about all this petition business. Apparently, she didn't follow the template... but hers is an example of a perfect email: short personal introduction, main reason of the email, link to act and further information at the bottom of it. Plus perfect English. I wish my coworkers wrote like that.

"Dear all,

First of all, I also wanted to send my warmest greetings to everyone born in the beautiful month of May in this order: M, Ch and P (and Po in due time). Congratulations to those of you, too, who just recently joined the noble ranks of Doctors of Mathematics: Ch, Ma, T and N (in no particular order).

Speaking of doctors--and here I am finally getting to the point, I wanted to ask you to consider signing a petition to the EU in support of the five Bulgarian nurses and the Palestinian doctor who were recently sentenced to death in Libya. The Libyan court found them guilty of consciously infecting 400 Libyan children with HIV. This was clearly an act of scapegoating, meant to divert the public attention from the poor hygienic conditions in the Libyan hospital. When the whole affair started about five years ago, there were doctors and nurses from a few other European countries working at the hospital, who were also accused of the same absurd crime. Still, the governments of those countries took instant measures and evacuated their medics. Here follows a long pause... So, the Bulgarians were left to bear the consequences (trasnfers from prison to prison, tortures, and now a pending death penalty).

Signing the petition takes a minute and this is the address:

I've copied the text of the petition below for your perusal.




On 6 May 2004 five Bulgarian nurses and a Palestinian doctor were sentenced to death for consciously infecting more than 400 Libyan children with the AIDS virus.

There is overwhelming evidence that the children in the Libyan hospital were infected with the virus due to poor hygienical conditions and long before the sentenced medics arrived in Libya. However, the Libyan judicial authorities did not consider this evidence during the 5-year trial. If action is not taken, the five Bulgarian nurses and the Palestinian doctor will receive the death penalty through a fire squad.

The European Union, the US State Department, Amnesty International, various national governments and international organisations have already expressed serious concerns over the fairness of the trial and denounced the verdicts. Support has been expressed to ensure that the appealing of the sentence would lead to a quick release of these innocent people.

Nevertheless, a coordinated diplomatic action of the European Union will undoubtedly achieve a better result. We, the undersigned, appeal to you, Foreign Minister of the Netherlands and of the forthcoming Dutch presidency of the European Union, to urgently use all appropriate measures in order to effectively help the six sentenced medical professionals. The Netherlands is famous for its excellency in conflict mediation and diplomacy. Because of the seriousness of the matter, we ask that you consider this issue with highest priority."


"I was thrown out of the college for cheating in the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me" (Woody Allen, quoted by Ktur**, who dedicates it to me, I guess)
**Footnote: Ktur is an intelligent, handsome young man, with a fine appreciation for literature and friendship. He started a blog (in Spanish) some time ago. He also wrote one of the best short-stories I have ever read. And I've read a lot, you know ;)

lunes, 24 de mayo de 2004

tWenty siX

I put off the cigarrete. The ashtray is not full, but it already stinks, a poisonous smell that feels so good sometimes, when it invades my lungs killing me delicately. Life is not usually so delicate. I am 26, three minutes more and my birthday day will be over at this side of the ocean. There's something on my mind, but I don't quite know what it is. Perhaps that's the perfect definition for my present mood, for the way I perceive my age here and now. Any sense of control escaped from my hands a long time ago, when I was too young to notice. Now I am too old to remember when it happened, how.
A verse, a poem, a face, a hungry kid.

domingo, 23 de mayo de 2004

The net of nets

I just read a file from joaquin's computer. I am amazed. I know that's what you always do on the internet, read files from other people's computers. But maybe you don't quite understand it completely, until a friend gives you his IP, you type it on the browser, and you access his files. So simple, so nice. Plain truths, you know.

sábado, 22 de mayo de 2004

The Fruitman will inspire a character from a novel by RS

Yesterday, after a meeting between The Fruitman, RS and Mr. Palace, it was known that The Fruitman will inspire a character of RS' first novel. RS is working really hard on the novel, which he thinks will be ready in a few months. No further official details were given, but some informators affirm that The Fruitman will have an interview with RS in the coming week, where he will speak of his experience as a teacher in Berkeley. The interview will be recorded. According to some rumours, The Fruitman will provide the recorder and RS will bring the tape.


I am wondering whether there exists a book recommending system on the web. I was searching for one, but couldn't find any.

The wedding

So, today we had a grey day (quite rainy in Madrid, indeed) and we also had a wedding. And from the wedding emerged our new princess Letizia, Letizia Ortiz to be more exact, the queen-to-be of Spain. But the people of Spain, the world, must now the truth. Search "Letizia Ortiz loves Pere?." Although the grammar is weird, the truth is plain.

jueves, 20 de mayo de 2004


Sometimes you just feel well in this world, don't you? Sometimes, you realise your life is quite crappy, maybe, you realize (i keep the s,z diversity, by the way) the life of others is crappy, you realise life in general is crappy and yet, there's this feeling of wellness. Must be some mechanism of the brain, but i prefer to think of the randomness of this world, my only God, giving away bits of wellness which eventually enter through your mouth with the air. Today, if you think about it, my day was quite crappy, indeed. I felt totally sleepy at work, unable to do anything but behaving like a robot-worker. I had the company's health check, and the doctor said I'm ok but maybe i should check my jaw. He thinks I'd be more handsome with my jaw operated. Nice. Health checks always come with a surprise, it turns out (it was my first one). The doctor also said I'm quite deaf, which was no surprise at all (I have this trauma: as a child, I would tell my mother I'm deaf, but she wouldn't listen to me... maybe she's deaf too). Anyway, I got as I could to the end of my working time, but I got a last minute call that made me miss the train. So I got home 20 minutes later. Then had some fish and vegetables for dinner, and I quickly finished every conversation with my mom, to get to check email and still go to bed early. My mom started a new complain: I don't socialise with her (new, interesting concept) since I have this wireless internet connection in my room. True. I spoke to the mexican. He laughed. Now it's so late. I won't sleep. The air of my room is filled with smoke. And yet, here you have it. Wellness. Happyness, indeed.


Imagine you could get pot through messenger...
(of course, the song continues like "you may think I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one"...)

miércoles, 19 de mayo de 2004

The sound of water

The post Wireless Fruitman started a (sort of) interesting discussion about wireless chains. What follows is a piece of it:
"...the WC makes a noise after you "pull the chain"... it's the noise of the water filling the diposit. i love to go to bed and hear this noise, hear the sound of the water, lighter and lighter, until it vanishes, and I fall asleep. it's a kind of urban river..."

lunes, 17 de mayo de 2004

domingo, 16 de mayo de 2004


I came back an hour ago from watching Lars von Trier's last film, The 5 obstructions. It's basically 5 variations of the same short film, each of them with a different "obstruction". But the film is not important now. More important is that i went with -j and his sweet girlfriend, that we had a lovely time as usual (including a gorgeous pizza that -j's girlfriend couldn't digest very well, unfortunately) and that somehow i recovered my creative soul. Maybe it was Lars movie, don't know certainly. But the fact is that I came back and sat in front of the computer with a shot of russian vodka by my side, and that i started writing the script for that short film screenplay's competition i told you some days ago, the prize being two weeks at new york city's film school to shoot the short film, all expenses included (except pocket money for cigarretes and alcohol, i assume)
I started writing a bizarre script. The screen is divided into two halfs. On the left half you see a man sitting on an armchair, on the right half you see a woman sitting on an armchair. The setting, the "mise en scène" is exactly the same at each half, including the armchair, a side table, and on it a bottle of vodka, a glass, an ash tray and a pack of cigarettes. In fact, the men is in front of the woman, they are having a conversation face to face, but i decided to place them on two separate halfs on the screen, so that we see each of them independently, as they were not related in the physical space (though soon we will understand they are related, indeed.)

viernes, 14 de mayo de 2004


(found somewhere in the web, randomly)

More on fruitmans of the world

You know I have a passion for searching for fruitmen all over the net. I found this fruitman who is a superhero, or more precisely, "a hero who can transform into fruit to fight crime." Here's the plot of one of his stories:
"Coming across a bank robbery, Fruitman turns into a lemon and temporarily blinds one of the robbers by squirting juice in his eye. However the other robber has escaped with their ill-gotten gains, so Fruitman changes into a tiny blueberry and hides in the blinded crook's pocket. His ride recovers and makes his way back to their hideout. As an orange, Fruitman smashes through the window, and then as a banana he sends the two criminals sliding, knicking them unconscious. Finally as an apple, he calls the police, who come along and arrest them."

jueves, 13 de mayo de 2004

Uses of Flash

Dedicated to Bernie: I know he will like it.
(NOTE: This is really offensive content, be sure nobody's around you, and think twice before you click. You will also need the flash plugin and a soundcard)

No tree

So I saw the tree. I mean I saw the absence of the tree. It was old and beautiful. Trees, unlike men, get better with age.

A tree

Today, as I walked back home, I saw that they are cutting a tree. It's the tree I have looked at many mornings, the tree that many mornings I wanted to capture on a picture. Once, I even had the camera in my pocket, but I was late, and so I left it for another day. Damn it! I should have been late to work that day. I wonder whether they finished cutting the tree. Tomorrow, I will have to take a picture of its absence.

miércoles, 12 de mayo de 2004

Al and WCs

Al wrote on his blog about an epigram he saw written on the wall of a WC. It said "information is not knowledge". From the epigram, somebody drew an arrow that pointed to the sentence "thanks for the information". I think it's the best piece of WC philosophy I have ever heard about. (by the way, today al and I got into the WC to pee (separate restrooms, don't worry choche), and I asked him whether he saw the sentence on the same WC we were at, but he said it was somewhere else, I don't exactly remember where. it was sort of comic)

martes, 11 de mayo de 2004

Polish words, wise words

My friend -p, my Polish friend, said that:
"Life is a bitch, but it's beautiful and addictive"
It's one of the typical sentences -p says, quite often.
He was happy to know that I would write it here for the world to learn about it.

viernes, 7 de mayo de 2004

Multimedia blog

Don't know whether this link'll work:
Here it is

Missed birthday

By the way... just two days ago it was my blog's 1st birthday. I should have greeted him (cause he's a man, you know).
Anyway, sorry blog. And, happy birthday, blog! I wish you lived longer than I will.

Mathematics and the right member

Ozarfreo wrote this:
"Las condiciones naturales para plantearlo parecen ser las siguientes a primera vista: si "f" es una función real que depende de dos variables (x.t) , necesitamos que sea Riemann integrable en "x" para cualquier "t" fijo para que el miembro de la izquierda tenga sentido, y también que la derivada con respecto a "t" exista para todo "x" fijo para dar sentido al miembro derecho."
... It should be something like this in English:
"At first sight, the natural conditions to state the problem would be: if "f" is a real function that depends on two vars (x,t), we need it to be Riemann integrable (?) on "x" for any fixed "t", so that the member of the left is meaningful, and also that the derivative with "t" exists for any fixed "x" so that the right member has some sense..."
I particularly would like the right member to have some sense, and I agree that the natural conditions seems to be (clearly) the ones you mention. But I really don't want the right member to loose track, really. Could you give me his email?
Anyway, I love your page, ozarfreo. I will keep on reading when I'm not so sleepy. For a physicist (and I used to be one of them), it should be clear that the derivative of the integral of f is the integral of the derivative of f. But now that I'm not a physicist anymore, I think we could have an interesting conversation on that topic, and many others that have been rambling around my mind for the last couple of months... Congrats for your Physics Review paper. Shit, it's really amazing. You're good! Very good, indeed.
Ah, finally: I also miss you, man! Did you get my email?

Having a flatmate

I think this is the perfect summary of what having a flatmate means... from the crossroads, of course (by the way, joaquin, if you search for "bernardo" at your page, you get way more results than with fruitman... a bit jelaous I am, I must say)

"Yesterday, when I was hanging my clothes in my closet, Bernardo came to the door of my room and did his little karate "hee-ya", and scared me to the point of screaming "OHHHH! FUUUUUUUCK!!!", over and over again... I haven't been so scared in a long time.... not even when Belnie and I went to watch "Freddy vs. Jason" at the cinemas in Shattuck.
Damn you Belnie, you're scarier than both of them..."

jueves, 6 de mayo de 2004

Shitty MSN Messenger

So with my brand new wireless status, I went straight to the msn messenger icon, to talk to my beloved friends and tell them about the abovementioned wireless status of mine. But it turns out there's a new version, and I HAVE TO download it to continue using msn messenger. Shit. Plus, it made me realised that the speed transfer is quite slow. Good old wires.

Wireless Fruitman

So I'm a wireless fruitman now. I'm writing this while I'm connected wirelessly to my mom's computer, which in turn is wiredly connected to the net. In the end, you always need a wire. But anyway, it's cool.

miércoles, 5 de mayo de 2004

No translation no more

I gave up the translation. I felt bad, but I had to admit I couldn't do it. I really hate it, cause I liked it. But I didn't have time. Fucking time... (and suddenly, right now, the song "No woman no cry" comes to my mind, and I start to sing it mentally... probably it will be with me for the rest of the day. Thanks, Bob!)

Enligh songs

Jojo put this lyrics on his blog...

"Round and round the merry-go-round,
the monkey chased the weasel,
the monkey thought it all was in fun....
POP! Goes the weasel..."

... And reminded me of this other one:

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
and all the king's horses
and all the king's men
couldn't put Humpty Dumpty
all together again."

martes, 4 de mayo de 2004

Surrreal sentences

A friend of mine sent me an email today. It said this: "Mira que sois maricones los dos.... Dinos la direccion y te enviamos un teclado." (which in english would be something like "You are really a couple of fagots. Tell me your address and we will send you a keyboard.")
I think it is really something. A great achievement. A good, surreal morning email.

Hot girlie

So I was standing on the train... full of people, sweat, rotten air, horrible. After three really long train stops (man, I didn't sleep much last night, and when you're sleepy it's really hard to stand up at 8 in the morning with the stomach empty, believe me), after three long stops, I was saying, God comes down to help me, because I can see that a woman sitting just in front of me is about to stand up to leave an empty seat. God is nice, I think. God is cool. But wait. No, I won't sit there. Because there's this hot girlie next to me, her breasts pointing at me, her eyes, her mouth, her everything pointing at me. She has to sit. Yeah, she's the one. Probably if it was an old woman I would have taken the sit rudely, fastly moving to it so that the slow movements of age couldn't get what is mine. But with the hot girlie I behave so gently. She makes as if she didn't want to sit, just to see how I slavely say no, my queen, it's all yours. And she sits there, and takes off her sweater, and her breasts greet the world under a thin t-shirt that just makes them more obscene. "I'm no fashion victim", it's printed on the t-shirt.

lunes, 3 de mayo de 2004


With a little help from my friends... how would you translate "Color Management" and "Color Confidence" into Spanish? ... actually, I think Joaquin is the only one able to translate it properly... aren't you?
(this is all because I am translating a book titled "Color Confidence. The digital photographer's guide to color management")

Three coffees

Mmm... 12:22 in the morning, and I already had three coffees since 9am. Tired I am, I must say.