Getting a job, getting a life

Yesterday night I talked to Ann, and found out she doesn't really enjoy her job. I though being in the media industry rocked, even as a video-editor-assistant-that-gets-paid-very-very-very-low. But turns out it's not that cool, and she's thinking of getting a job at a bank (I think she was pissed when I said: "come on, you want only 1500$ a month for your entire life?" ... but I still think a job at a bank is only that)
Anyway, I'm sure Ann won't even look for that bank job, even if I put it in front of her to grab it, I think she wouldn't take it. Because getting a job is getting a life. As sad as it sounds, but hell I wished I was taught that lesson earlier in my life. Because I was sort of educated to the idea that, as a mother would put it, "what you do is you get a job that pays enough to let you do what you really like after work ... because son, you like expensive stuff, so you'd better get enough to pay for it". Ultimately, this is a catholic-educated-woman statement. It's that moral of suffering in order to get pleasure afterwards. That sort of thinking has caused me a lot of pain and suffering, to the point that right now I feel completely lost about my future employment life. I cannot tell what I like from what I don't, what I'm good at from what I'm not. I have studied so many things, I have seen so much pain in the world,... that the right choice has just vanished. My right choice does not exist anymore. Anything I could do has an inconvenience. Even my dreamed life as a writer or a cinema director is starting to disappear from the shell of wanabe things. I finally got where I was walking to: absence. The dark hole I so much thought so far away has already eaten me. But you know what? I light a cigarrete and start a small bunfire to try to see clearer. I have to. I am not a loser. Not me.